It's been a minute

 Have you ever wondered what makes you tick ? What is it that compels you to do the things that you do ? Almost coming up to a decade of not posting or writing anything and out of the blue I have this urge of spewing words on a blog that was collecting dust in 1's and 0's.

So, thanks to a dear friend of mine I ventured down the old blogging lane. Much to my astonishment I found that I had managed to post a good 50+ times when I was rather active. That is a lot of 1's and 0's to consume up in the cloud. To my utter shock I even found out that I have a hidden blog that I used to write stuff in which I obviously did not want to share. Not surprisingly I ended up down memory lane quite late into the night.

Sub consciously I think I was trying to find comments and words of inspiration from my biggest fan, my support and the reason for my very existence. My mum. In fact my very first post on this blog was a result of her pushing me to start writing which lead to her creating her own blog and so on. Somewhere along the discussions of blogs and writings and ramblings a light bulb went off in my head that she used to comment on my posts. Comments that I would so dearly love to see on this one and future ones if I end up posting. Comments telling me to keep writing. Laughing at my silly attempts at humor. Urging me to be more regular, to let the creative juices flow. Even just a smiley. Those were the comments that I came searching for to this space knowing fully well that its not something I will ever get to see again ever. Nine and a half years ago was the last comment by her. Who knew that it would be the last one ever.

Its really been a minute!!! Heck its coming up on a year since she you know.......

And here is when my brain cells cease to work further. Maybe someday I'll be able to actually write everything that I have bottled up inside.  

A Glance Back

Every time I look in the mirror
Bygones become a tiny bit clearer
Emotions that were sad and bitter
And the ones that shone aglitter

Times may not be that was dreamt about
Light has been cast on those hovering doubts
Life has meandered on a different route
With abundance of joy throughout

A sense of bliss lingers around
Unabashed and not weighed down
Time goes by as they always say
Through darkness and crest falls
Light always shall find a way!!!

Live a little

Wisps of listless and silence,
hangs heavily in the air
Hushed even among friends,
time, mocks at you with a prolonged stare.
Wistfulness in every pulse blares.
A voice which still says
live a little, just a little.

-Small inspiration from this wonderful song.

It's a beautiful day

Through the clouds pierced a ray
Thoughts that had gone astray
Seems to concur on a tray
Bygones be cast away
Like clouds of grey
Scatter to make way
It's a beautiful day

A perfect rain drop

That saunters down from atop

The first drop of rain

Alters the life, mundane

Sparks a pulse through the vein

Keeping the mind quite sane

It surely is a beautiful day

A dedication

Time, for none it stopped still
Life, kept rewritten by a quill
Often re-iterated like a synchronized drill

Forget not those who were dear
Those extended hands were very near,
Who were able to look past your queer

Thankful be to those blessed souls
Without whom life would be but holes
Dedicated to one and all, these lines on scrolls

Memories of a lifetime

A thousand words said,
And a thousand unsaid
A million thoughts go unread
Only a few memories stay embed


The sands of time that never cease to trickle
Layering up a mind ever so fickle
Standing out moments priced well beyond a nickle
Reminiscences that tend to render the heart a tickle


A memory that speaks a thousand words
Yet some pass by absolutely unheard

And there are some that are meant to be stirred

Try as you can, they are not meant to be reword.

Who knows???

Off late been listening to a few kannada songs. One particular song that really got my attention was this song called yavanig gothu ( literal translation - Who knows? ). I was blown away by the lyrics of song. I mean Mr. Yograj Bhat has shown such brilliance in coming up with this song, it just left me flabbergasted. Here is how the song goes.


Naane jeeniyassa Hrudaya Siriselathidababa ( Am I a genius or a heart, some reference to Siri and baba. ) { I am pretty bad at this :P }
Abcd Na aalu geddena ( am I a ABCD..or a potato ) { how could he give a link from an American Born Confused Desi to a potato?? }
Gode Hallina..yavanig gothu? ( Wall sticking lizard....who knows? ) { Really of all the animals in the world you choose to make a reference to a lizard!!!..Guess the lizard family owes you one for bringing them into the lime light }
Yenu maadodhu Onti hoovondhu ( What to do lonely flower one )
Roadali Sikthu Roadalli sikthu ( found on the road, found on the road )
Yenu Helodhu intha time alli ( what to tell in such time )
Yavanig gothu yavanig gothu ( who knows who knows ) { probably the only 4 sane lines of the song i think }
Yedhe Emba khali Dabbakke ondhu ( heart like empty box one )
Sanna Kallu biddangayitu ( small stone hitting the afore-mentioned box )
Dabba yaathakke sound maadodhu ( why box makes sound? ) { really???..self sustaining sound producing boxes in a song....what metaphor I must say }
Yaavanig gothu yaavanig gothu ( who knows who knows )


Ivalu sigthala kai kodathala ( will i get her, will she give hand )
yaavanig gothu yaavanig gothu ( who knows who knows )


Adhu yaavdho onti hakki saddanna ( some lonely bird's sound )
Keluttha malakondidde madhyana ( was listening to and sleeping in the afternoon ) 
Kaal kg preethigondhu padyana ( for 250 grams love one poem ) { damn love has a measuring unit now }
baredhittu keredhukonde gaddana ( wrote it and scratched my beard ) { what a herculean effort i say...i wonder what the other sane poets/lyricists do after writing...doubt they go around scratching beards and other inappropriate/appropriate places }


Kaalidhasa kavya nammappanna kelri ( ask my dad about Kalidasa's poetry ) { poor guy man..i dont think any dad would want to listen to anymore poetry after listening to this }
Khali haalegintha olle kavya ilri ( no poetry is better than an empty paper ) { really profound!! }

Hrudhayadha Mele High Heeldu Haaki ( on top of my heart wearing high heels )
Raja Kumari Ninthangaithu ( felt like a princess is standing ) { what else would you want your heart to bear?? )
Intha Time Alli Haadu Bekiththa ( At this time was there a need for a song ) { Pretty sure not with such lyrics!!! }
Yaavanig Gothu Yaavanig Gothu ( who knows who knows )

Devadasanu Yenne Bittidhna ( Did devadas leave alcohol? ) { why does everyone bring that poor chap into everything }
Yaavanig Gothu Yaavanig Gothu ( who knows who knows )

Kanasalli Yaako Yaavdhu Saalalla ( nothing is enough even in dreams )
Modaana Mudhu Maadokaagalla ( you cannot love a cloud ) { Demented!!! what were you even thinking when you wrote this line!!!}
Chittege Chaddi Haakokaglilla ( You cannot make a butterfly wear shorts ) { This is the icing of the entire song...even the best Lepidopterists would not have ever ever thought about doing that. What a ground breaking research this could turn out to be!!! }
Nimge Gothalva Nanu Muththala ( You only know that I am a fool ) { Going by the lyrics of the song I dont think this was a necessary conclusion to be added. Would have been pretty obvious I guess }
Maththe Maththe Banthu Yedheyallondhu Lahari ( Repeatedly came from heart one wave ) { how can one wave come out repeatedly...From where to where the lyrics of this song goes!!! }
Thumba Olle Kannada Maathaadi Bitte Kanri ( Spoken off very good Kannada ) { Yeah right!!!}
Moogu Bottaagi Huttidhre Nanu ( If i had been born as a nose ring )
Ivala Moothile Irabahudhithu ( Would have stayed on her face ) { No comments!!! }

Nanna Aasegu Meaning Irabahudha ( Can there be a meaning to my desires? ){ what more would he want...such deep profound lyrics in a song...why would you go searching for a meaning }
Yaavanig Gothu Yaavanig Gothu ( who knows who knows )
Mundhe Yelladhru Thindi Sigabahudha ( In future will there be food?? ) { I think this was the line the hit the nail on the head }
Yaavanig Gothu Yaavanig Gothu ( who knows who knows )

Cannot say this is an amazing composition lyrically, but the music makes the song look good. And the worst part is I somehow like this song quite a bit. So why did I take the trouble of writing this?........Yavanig gothu????

Nobody's Fool

Take a step behind
Away from all the grind
Resign from doing the inclined
See that you are but, blind
Understand that you are nobody's fool

You feel what you have to feel
Why care, if to some it does not appeal
Life in itself is a big ordeal
Greet it with a zeal of steel
Because you ought to know that you are nobody's fool

Muted Thoughts

One of those days

When there is enough to be said

But the voice seems to be dead

On this course we all tread

Pondering where it might have lead

Its not that I do not have anything to say

Its just that at times I have nothing to say

The words seem to join the fray

As every thought looks to out weigh

Running every emotion astray.

Its not that I have no thoughts to share

Its just that I do not want any to spare

A matter of time they all swear

I manage just a feeble glare

Waiting for that forgotten flair

There is something about you

I gaze into the open sky
with a blank stare in my eye
Wishfully thinking time would redo
Because there is something about you

Just like the waves ebb and rise
I see flashes of the past arise
Remembering the time which I could renew
Because there is something about you

Torn between the past and new
sometimes I can't help but to feel blue
These emotions from inside just happen to spew
Because there is something about you

You were the one who would see through
In between my hues that you would hew
I just can't stop thinking about you
Because there definitely is something about you

A Warm Afternoon

Blinded by the light I sit on the porch

Whilst the soft notes of the melody keeps playing

The slight rustle in the leaves keeps me thinking

Will there be an end to this waiting?

The uncomfortable warmth of the noon

Sears the skin like a harpoon

I long to see the sun go down

and to erase the mindless frown

As, the time goes by so slowly

I reflect upon life ever so humbly

I wait for the night to come by,

accompanied by the cool breeze

wafting along like the music with ease

and keeping the mind at peace.

Illusion

A night, where the moon shines so bright

when all seems so unbleached and right

Darkness covers the sky in a satin weave

an illusion meant only to deceive

Waiting for that shimmering light

which fortifies to render respite

It is but a matter of time

when things return to the dust and grime

And it begins all over again

a recurrence, to comprehend is truly inane.

Adrenaline Rush of a lifetime

This had been one of the longest wait for me. It was last year that my room-mate came back home and described the sky dive that he had done. That fueled my desire to take the leap from 13000 feet above the air. Of-course that was with the help of an instructor, but still I was waiting to feel the free fall. It was a pretty long wait at the academy where the tandem jump takes place. The wait was adorned with the usual pre-jump banter among the five of us who had gone for the jump. Finally the respective instructors came to the preparation area and finally we were ready to head for the sky.
The flight up was more frightening as compared to the thought of plunging into the open sky 13000 feet above the ground. It was this rickety old plane which was held together by tapes with all kinds of wires hanging out from the ceiling. Certainly not a very comforting sight while going up for a sky dive. Nevertheless after an eternity of loud brain damaging engine noise, I was pretty sure that we had reached the desired altitude. That was when my instructor pointed out that we had reached 7000 feet which was just half the way up.
Finally the long awaited moment had arrived. At 13000 feet above the ground the door was opened and the jumpers were going overboard one after the other. The first thing that I can remember when the door was opened, was a jumper being thrown out by two instructors. It was a pretty nasty sight when you see a guy being thrown off ( literally ). Well after this point everything that happened was like a blur. I had no idea when it was my turn to jump, ( obviously with the instructor attached to my back ). The last thing that I remember before jumping was the instructor firing away instructions into my ear. I am pretty sure they were pretty simple to follow as I had no idea what I was doing once we jumped off.
The jump by itself was the ultimate zenith of adrenaline pumping in me. It was almost a whole minute of free fall. For a minute I really felt that I could fly. As they say all good things come to an end, the free fall was over as soon as it had started. The instructor pulled the parachute and we glided down to solid ground ( though landing on my rear end was not that cool ). The instructor was actually telling that we would do a standing skate landing, which did sound pretty amazing. But it was not the case to be. I really wish that the fall would have lasted for a bit more longer. I am hoping that the next jump would be from 16000 feet.

P.S- Had this post as a draft for a really really long time. Just managed to stitch some words together to get this post published.

Mindlessnes

Is it not a mystery
the working of a curious mind
which never ceases to wander
Is it not a wonder
how the mind thinks yonder
Trust it to make time squander

The mind alone knows
what goes on within itself
Gives you happiness in abundance
but clings on to the sorrows as well

Makes you dream with open eyes
sometimes which none can surmise
Takes you on a high so high
makes you feel like you can fly

Even as you blink
and even as I ink
it never ceases to think.

Useless Observations

P.S ( Pre-script ) - Might start of to be a little high funda kind of a post, but ends up as a silly rambling from my end. So this is a fore-warning to not waste time by reading this.

As I kept staring at this editor for what seemed like an eternity, there was not a single substantial topic in mind which I could pen down. Recollecting my past few weeks I realized that I have had a few topics to write here and there but none were good enough to actually write something about. In the end this was pretty much what I could come up with to publish / post.

I am sure there are many people who have wondered about their appearance to the outside world. There is a certain effect or an aura that reflects from every individual that we come across in life. These are some of the very insignificant details that most of us fail to notice. Be it the extremely hearty and cheerful attitude a receptionist having to go through the same routine day after day or be it the grumpy reflections of the overworking software engineer whose never-ending lines of codes end up rare and 'unknown' errors that nobody can debug. 

Let me not be too high funda with this and digress from the main reason why I started with this post. I do not know how much of this holds good, but the main intention of writing this post was to put forth my observation. There are a few things really buzzing around in my head like a disoriented bee trying to find its way out of a closed box. One of the things thats in my head is that does it really matter how people around you feel or think? As in should you give a crap as to what effect your actions have on the others?  Or is it just that only the sensitive people seem to catch on to this crazy thing, while others do not give a rat's ass.

I just seem to wonder how some times the silliest of matters seems to tick you off. I have started noticing that people eat with their mouths open or make some sort of noise while chewing on their food. It is said that its quite in-appropriate to chew with one's mouth open or to talk with food in mouth. But is it really wise spread and followed by all? Generally I would not give this too much of a thought, but suddenly I started wondering if I do the same thing and the others think in the same direction. 

Everyone is not perfect, I know all that 'blah blah blah' kind of statements that people come up with when such things are pointed out. But talking with food in mouth, drinking with a slurping sound and chewing with mouth open counts as being an etiquette fail. These things sound funny and can be passed of as stupidity till a certain age. But beyond that it just sounds plain disgusting. The worst part is that its stupid to even point such things out. I wonder if I put forth such an image to the outside world. Well I may have my own shortcomings which I have not realized it just yet. But I do hope that at some point of time I reach a position where I can actually manage to say 'It is quite difficult to improve upon Perfection' ( stolen dialog from Dil Chahta Hai movie ) , and actually mean it.

Note: This was just an observation on what might be a silly thing, which lead to writing a silly post on a silly issue.

Let M-e-go

It is said that the portion of the psyche or the portion of the self that refers to itself or in simple words refers to 'I' is called as the ego. It was by chance that I got to read about ego, a word which is thrown around here and there in recent times describing certain behaviors which cannot be rationalized. To put it in plain layman terms Ego could be defined as 'who you think you are'. Makes a lot of sense if one takes out time just to analyse and reflect upon the past events occurred in which he/she was involved.
There was one particular mail which was forwarded by a very good friend of mine. The mail had a small but simple story which goes on something like this:
A group of 4-5 women were sitting in a restaurant and chit-chatting when all of a sudden a flying roach sits on one of the lady's hand. On seeing the roach the lady immediately freaked out and started to yell and jumped out of her skin bringing down the roof. The roach then went on to jump to the nearby lady who was just glad and willing to continue on the drama started by her friend. The nearby waiter who went to the rescue somehow got entangled and the roach finally jumped on him. The waiter remained unperturbed. Watched the movements of the roach for a few moments and calmly picked it up and threw it out.

The histrionic behavior of the ladies was elicited by the roach?
But then why was the waiter so unperturbed and calm. It was the same roach that jumped on him that jumped on the ladies as well. It was merely the inability of the ladies to react to such a situation that resulted in such a comical event. One should realize that most of the problems arises because of their inability to react to the situation.The stark realization of the fact that it is the individual's inability to react to any particular situation is what is more disturbing and hurtful than the situation itself. This is where the ego comes in. Rationalizing a situation and responding to it will always be the best course of action. The waiter in this case responded where as the ladies reacted. Reactions are instinctive where as response is always intellectual.
 The brief pause in thinking and responding to a situation more often than not leads to the elimination of ego. I may be sounding a little too philosophical or spiritual but more one lets go of the ego or more one lets go of 'I' the more peaceful the individual is from within.
 Bottom line of the story though - An intelligent person responds where as fools react.

P.S- No pun intended towards any of the characters described above. The article is actually written by a certain Deepak Shinde. I have just posted pretty much the same thing here. Though have managed to link it to ego.

Off Late

It was one of those days that took me a little down memory lane. From the time I landed in US, I ended up having three bank accounts. Not that I had so much money that I could fill up those accounts, but because of different situations I had three accounts to my name. One of the reasons was solely to acquire the free i-pod that they were giving away. I accept it, the 'desi buddhi' in me will never die. Finally today I decided upon closing the two unused accounts for good. Standing there in front of the teller, the stark realization hit me that it has been almost two years since I had landed here. It was quite a strangely nostalgic feeling that I was going through standing there in the bank. Time really flies, I must admit.

Well as I said time flies, I really dint have to be down the nostalgia lane for a long time. Reality hit me right on my face as I realized that I had a meeting with my professor. I was a little worried, because I had not gotten around to finishing up the work that he had assigned to me and on top of that I had gone ahead and told him that I was going on a road trip and will not be working for an entire week. That reminds me, Spring break I had gone for a road trip to California with a bunch of my friends. It really was one of the best drives of my life. Imagine winding roads and hillocks on your left and the Pacific Ocean to your right. It was a sight to behold.

I had been to a live concert the other night. Megadeth concert was something which I had never expected that I would be going to. It was a quite an enjoyable concert. Ok to be frank it was a really really good show. I could see the band about 30 or 40 feet in front of me, and the atmosphere was well like a thrash metal concert should have been with a lot of head banging, pushing (read as shoving/throwing) and loud ( read as ear splitting ) music. The highlight of the show for me was when I caught a Dave Mustaine ( lead guitarist/vocalist ) pick that he threw out to the audience ( crowd to be more precise ).

I keep reminding myself that I will come up with a post that has a significantly less number of 'I's in them. But off late this blog has turned into more of an autobiography/day to day diary (accounted every 3 months) kind of thing. Definitely do have a few ideas in mind but just not finding the spark or the enthusiasm to dish it out in words. Will do it someday............

Of Cliff dwellings and Canyons

Finally I get down to penning some thoughts about a road trip. This would probably be my 5th or 6th attempt. The previous few attempts having been discarded because of lack of interest and a sudden drying up of my vocabulary. Nevertheless, as they say its better late then never.

After a whole lot of speculation of "will we's" and "wont we's", we finally headed out for a 2 day trip. First stop was Montezuma Castle. I really dont know whats so castle like in this monument. Honestly it was no bigger than our apartment. Right that was a little too much of an exaggeration I know, but still....

It was a wonder to see a building built right up there on the walls of a cliff, though. The only accessible point of entry to this monument is a ladder which could be pulled up to cut off the entry. Well that was when people used to access the monument. There is restriction on the entry currently because of the extensive damage caused to the ruins. I wish we were allowed to go inside and see though. It was not all that bad but then one of my friends aptly termed the place to be 'bakwaas'.

Next stop was the Montezuma Well. Honestly it wasnt all that a wonder. The people around the monuments described the history and the importance of the place as though there was nothing in this world to beat the beauty and the significance of the place. That was when I realized how rich India is and how sometimes we neglect the importance of the profound heritage that we have. The incredible thing about the well was that there was a constant supply of water, and no-one supposedly knows how deep the water went. Some of the flora around the well was creepy and in a way strangely attractive. Though some part of the well looked nothing more than a ditch to me. Speaking of which my friend had a gala time trying to click an incredible number of pictures of what looked like sewage water ( No offense buddy, but had to take that out somewhere ).

Moving on we, went to Walnut Canyon where we trekked a small little trail and saw quite a few cave dwellings which were in ruins. They were small enough for a dwarf ( probably 4 ft )to fit in. It was actually amazing to see such crude and old developments of such habitats which had neat demarcations of a storage room and a living room. The trek was really good, and the company made it even more better. There were crazy pictures taken at probably every step of the trek, from crazy angles with people doing all kinds of crazy actions.

Finally we ended up in Grand Canyon which looked very different from the last time when I had seen it. It was speckled with snow all over and looked really good. The view from the rim is really grand. Again after another session of a thousand clicks and a session of free, unwanted skating ( because of the slippery iced ground ) we headed back to the motel.

The final day was real good fun. We went skiing!!!!!!

All of us who tried our hands at skiing fell at least a thousand times. Well some of us even managed to fall like a million times. Bottom line is that skiing is not as easy as it looks. But if you manage to get through the initial learning stages it is insanely good. At the end of the day all of us remember 'GO GO GO' and 'Wedge Wedge Wedge'!!!!!!!

Happenings Lately

Noticed how my blog posts have diminished lately?

I know nothing new to that. But this time the cause for being so inattentive towards my blog is not because of laziness. It has more to do with 2/7ths of my wishlist coming true. I was feeling a little too happy with the way things have gone this semester, so I decided to give myself a PS3. It has been merely a week since the arrival of the beautiful gaming console. It has become such a big addiction now. Days and nights seem to be just amalgamate into this blur where I find myself glued to the television with the controller in hand, smashing these millions of weird looking demons. Gives me a strange kind of high. So much so, that I have almost stopped playing counter strike now, and I have practically neglected my laptop.

Funny how time seems to just race past you when you are doing something that you like. The semester is over and the holidays have started. I am back at doing what many of us like to do. I now laze around the entire day spending time extravagantly as though I have inherited millions of units of it. As stated above the days and nights just merge into this weird blur. Half the time is gone with the playstation. The remaining half goes in sleeping. I am trying quite hard to rid myself of this habit of sleeping at 4 in the morning and waking up at 2 in the afternoon. It so happened that I managed to sleep the entire day once. I ended up asking my roomie where the day had gone off to?

That felt really weird. One entire day gone within the blink of an eye. Anyways, somewhere in this extremely busy schedule of mine I do manage to work. I get paid for doing some work that my professor asks me to. So fortunately the holidays is not jam packed with the brutal killing of time. I manage to do something constructive after all.

The new year is fast approaching and a whole pack of my friends have headed back home. I know the feeling is just insanely incredible to be back home for the vacations. I sometimes wish I could have headed back home. Well, as the saying goes everything has a price tagged to it. For my wishlist to come true I had to work which continues through the winter break so no complaints. Coming back to the new year, I still do not know what I would be doing. There are plans of heading off on a road trip, or just cool our heels sitting at home. It is always last minute.

I have to mention this here. I attended 'Service' in a Church where our American Family go, for Christmas. It was a rather new experience. The way of praying here is so completely different from how we do it. The family is so sweet that they had us over for dinner. Well they eat at 5 in the evening and call that dinner. After the dinner they took us to their church and finally we went back to their house to finish of the day with some amazing deserts. It was really cool and sweet of them to involve us in their celebrations and rituals. They even ended up giving us presents. They day had a real crazy ending. Me and my friends ended up playing monopoly the entire night. Weird sort of a way to celebrate Christmas.

Well that is what is happening lately. I hope I manage to come up with more posts in the near future, something more meaningful rather than mindless ramblings and day to day stuff. Adios till then.

My Current Wishlist!!!!

One of my very close friend recently purchased a Sony PS3 and I was really blown away by it. I just did a little digging recently and came up with a few games that I would definitely want to get my hands on. So my wishlist for the time being is:

1. I need to get a PS3 first ;-)
2. A proper video output device to go with the PS3 :-D
3. Prototype
4. God of War
5. Uncharted 2
6. COD MW 2 and
7. Assassins Creed 2

I want, I want, I want, I want and I want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!